"Don't let me go.." - The Fray

...wanted to have that one special person more than ever just so you know there's no judgment, nothing but love, care, and concern, and someone to just HOLD you? For me, that time is now. My pride has been detrimental my entire life. That would be what I consider my "stronghold" struggle that everyone has. Why? Genetics. our race. our generation. Conceit isn't beautiful. We live in a time that took the american dream and pumped it full of steroids without any ethical foundation whatsoever. All anyone wants is self-satisfaction. My psalm 130, my cry from the depths, has been to be stripped of my pride. completely. possible? Matthew 19:26 - "But Jesus looked at them and said, 'with man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." Since i've been at school, God's gotten me alone and into the perfect place to "ruin my life (and) the plans that i've made" like Jeff Johnson sings. He brought me through the low points I placed myself in with a newfound outlook. He has completely changed my ideologies on so many different things. More specifically, about a month or so ago, my heart towards my father began to change. Growing up as a young kid, my dad was ALWAYS in the Word and ALWAYS spitting off scriptures and ALWAYS talking Jesus. He was the fifth and sixth grade leader for the AWANA program at our church and the sunday school teacher for the same age group. At the time, I didn't like my dad because I hadn't truly met God. That changed July 1, 2008, but.. that's another cup of coffee. When i went into middle school, as i remember it.. it could have been earlier or i may have just missed it, my father began to drink again. Sometime during or after that, he dropped his involvement in the roles he played at the church. i thought i knew God, so i naturally took a portion of the morality that Christianity entails, such as abstinence, temperance, and..that's about it. I knew religion. I began to resent my father for his alcoholism. It made him into a jerk to my mom. It made  him into SUCH a different person and all shades of morality he had had slowly began diminishing. My heart hardened towards my dad, which hardened my heart to the Lord..... but where there's hardness of heart, there's a horizon full of healing through brokenness. I wanted my dad to change. God changed me. He showed me that the changing of my father's heart is in His hands, not mine. Pretty elementary, right? Of course, but pride is like a blindfold.. or a really REALLY good lampshade. "woe to those are who are wise in their own lies, and shrewd in their own sight." - Isaiah 5:21. He broke my pride towards my father. He rained humility on my pa-ride.. get it? parade... with an i in it.. so it's pa-ride.. like pride.. with an a after the p... get it? alright.. cool. I just BUSTED OUT LAUGHING at my own joke. That was the funniest thing i think i have ever said. ahem...... sorry. PUNSTER. Anywho, God's completely changed my heart towards pops. He's not perfect and neither am i. Who am i to hold a grudge against him. Moreover, how can i be humble before my Father if i can't walk in humility with my pops. So God's broken my heart for my father. He's shown me that he is our provider. That he communicates his love through his hard work. I love my dad. I said all that to lead up to tonight and why this blog is titled how it's titled. My oldest brother, Johnathan Frederick Sears, will be 26 on January 23 and it'll show that he has been in the army for 8 years. He drinks ALL the time. He has a ton of DISGUSTING stories that are HORRIBLY disrespectful to the girls he talks about. He is the most prideful person to walk this earth. I treated him much in the same manner that i treated my dad. Tonight, he was used as a mouthpiece for the Lord to speak to me. My pride towards my brother was stripped as well, and i had no idea it was even there. He told me he thought i hated him. He thought that because he lives how he does, i hated him. i WEPT. He does everything he does with me on his mind everyday. He was there when i was born. He's watched me grow up since before he could even hold me. He's been hard headed.. but he's loved me the same through it all. He leaves on January 27th to go on his third trip to Afghanistan. He's seen things that NOBODY should ever have to see. He's scared out of his mind to go to war, and here i've been all these years allowing him to think i hate him. my brother could die anyday, all of us could.. and will, but not all of us have bullets flying by our heads everyday. He said, "what i do, isn't glorious... what you do... is glorious." God provided encouragement after He broke my heart completely. I was dying in the middle of a joy..... well.. in the midst of an extremely joyful celebratory holiday. All i wanted was my other half to hold me. I just wanted to have a moment of weakness and be held by the girl that will love me until the sun burns out. and then some. i just wanted her to tell me that she loves me.. and everything is fine. Patience. God challenged me tonight. All is well with the world. God is good and still on the throne; I have a reason to worship. Today was such a blessing. The Christmas season is slowly becoming my favorite. I dunno... now i'm rambling. Last thing, I can't wait to have the most beautiful girl see me in my times of weakness and direct me to the only One able to fix it. I can't even imagine her. Tangible perfection. I've been at my aunt and uncle's all day long playing on their iPad, and i was on an app called ArtPuzzles? The point of the app is to put puzzles together. I bet you didn't see that coming. It just really gave me a perspective of what dating/marriage will be like. The puzzle pieces either give or take, and they all fit into the big picture. "Love is all; it gives all, and it takes all." - Soren Kierkegaard. I can't wait for her to get here. I meeeeeean.. i can but.. you know what i mean. this is the LONGEST post. ever. i'm sorry for that. i hope you didn't lose interest.. or focus.. or whatever. I LOVE YOU GUYS! Merry Christmas! Jesus.. God... came to live.. as His own creation.. to die for them. How good is He? UGH. well... i guess... that's all. 

"I scratch my head... i think about life.." - Gangster Gumby

....wondered how the human mind functions? Me neither. That's all.














Just Kidding.





I'm currently sitting in my living room at HOME home in our recliner wondering why in the WORLD i think SO much. Sometimes, i doubt i'm a normal human being because my brain gets such a workout. Maybe it's the Christmas season, maybe it's me being a little girl about stuff, ...maybe it's sleep deprivation, but whatever it is.. it's making me surprisingly ....joyful? excited? More apt to patience because you can't rush art? I have had NUMEROUS occasions or opportunities to see compassion, joy, and the future. God's love is EVERYWHERE. Angel trees at walmart. Joyful people in the mall? while christmas shopping? hard to believe right? well, how about my own father loving on an autistic kid he'd never met at a restaurant. MY father. If i had a nickel for every time i had fought tears in the past week or two, i'd have... some.. nickels...... ahem, alright. God has been revealing myself to me lately. Goofy? quite possibly. Necessary? most definitely. How do you plan to reach a goal you haven't made? how can you build a house you don't have a floor plan for? God's said, "hey, ryan, here's where we're headed, continue to walk in obedience, and we'll get there with no problems. I'll lead the way. no worries." Even though He calls us to patience, I can't help but wonder who i'll spend my life with. What dating my wife will be like.. then our engagement? WHAT? how am i going to pay for the rock my lady deserves?! she's putting up with me... forever.. how am i supposed to keep her around with a ring purchased on a college kid's income. will i still be in college? see what the problem is? did you forget that you were reading a MALE'S BLOG? i did......not... ahem. Then the best day of her life.. our wedding. The day that she's been DREAMING of... since birth and stuff. Of course, i'll love it, too, but not to the same extent she will. She's a girl. duh. All i can think about is how gorgeous she will be... walking down the aisle to literally be with me. forever. ... not six months.. or.. two years... life... 60 year anniversary. Cutest couple in college. cutest marriage. cutest parents. cutest kids. cutest old couple. cutest couple ever. father time and ....some woman that was extremely old.. but they're still the same as they were as newlyweds. The grand kids have an example of truth, consistency, and love... because of grandma and grandpa... and their parents because they were raised right. i dunno.. i'm thinking way too much. Christmases, birthdays, seasons.. like fall, staring at the stars, picnics, walks through the park ...or wherever is the most fun but cute, buying her flowers on tuesday.. just because it's tuesday, waking up on Christmas morning to my kids jumping up and down on our bed telling us to WAKE UP TO SEE WHAT SANTA BROUGHT. I dunno.. basically what i'm saying is we all need to slow down. i'm not the only person with these thoughts, and if i am... um... judge me for it, BUT embracing the future and sprinting towards it are two different things. i see the future on the horizon, i'm okay with it. i have no reason to run away from it.. it's beautiful. on the other hand, i have no reason to run towards it. i'm headed that way anyways.. what's the rush? Why am i even talking anymore? MAAAAAAANNN.. I LOVE YOU. I will NEVER be deserving of you. You are way too far out of my league. You are too gorgeous. You are too witty. Too funny. Too perfect. God rains on the just and the unjust.. for sure, that's biblical, but me? deserving of you? nope. buttttt.... i won't complain too much. Can you believe that i'll be with the girl of my dreams? Can you believe that the girl i've wanted to be with since i met her will want to be with me? maybe i'm buble. Maybe i just haven't met you yet, BUT i STILL promise you, kid, that i'll give so much more than i get. I have no idea what i'm typing anymore, honestly.. I've had 8 hours of sleep in the past 66 hours. I'm hungry. Allow me to sum this up in a sentence or two. I am overly excited about the future, but I am more than willing to wait until the time is right. God's timing is perfect timing. God's plan is a perfect plan. God's girl is the perfect girl.. for me at least. I'll be the best man that i can be for her. i'll be the best dad for her children that i can. I'm so undeserving of what God's blessed me with so far in life and that isn't going to change for the future. That's all. Play me off, once again, Johnny.

"skool iz 4 phoolzz, luk et mi"

...sucked at college for an entire semester? i have. This was my first semester. I meeeeeeeean.. I came in with 19 college credit hours, but i took those through my high school. What that does give me is a sticker saying i have sophomore status hours... no more fish lot for me. hmm.. that's a nice feeling. anywho, i dug myself into a hole my first six weeks of school that i couldn't dig myself out of, so i changed my semester's motto to "survive". If you can't climb out of a hole, you might as well make it look as "homey" as possible. Needless to say, I was hoping to have a gpa of a 2.6 or better. God had other plans in mind... or else my grades would have SUCKED.

Grade Point Average by Term

Term 1 Fall, 2010

Term Totals Total Earned Credits Total Grade Points Term GPA 33.00 < sophomore. 44.00 3.143

Course/Section and Title Course/Section and Title Grade Credits 1 ENGL*1301 DC-Intro to Language & Lit I CR 3.00 2 ENGL*1302 DC-Intro to Language & Lit II CR 3.00 3 MATH*1303 DC-College Algebra CR 3.00 4 MATH*1304 DC-Trigonometry CR 3.00 5 MATH*1405 DC-Calc & Analytic Geometry I CR 4.00 6 ENGL*REQU DC-TR 2000 Level English Requ CR 3.00 7 CHAP*1000 01 Chapel NC 0.00 8 FINE*1306 03 Intro to Fine Arts B+ 3.00 9 FOUN*1101 15 Foundations for Excellence A 1.00 10 HIST*1301 07 American History to 1865 B 3.00 11 KNES*1103 02 Basketball A 1.00 12 RELI*1301 03 Old Testament Survey B- 3.00 13 PHIL*2301 01 Introduction to Philosophy B 3.00

"Don't Forget to Love Yourself."

....become obsessed with philosophy? I haven't either, but I did become captivated with a list of quotes. Soren Kierkegaard was a Christian existentialist and said a bunch of really cool stuff, so... umm.... enjoy.

A man who as a physical being is always turned toward the outside, thinking that his happiness lies outside him, finally turns inward and discovers that the source is within him.

Because of its tremendous solemnity death is the light in which great passions, both good and bad, become transparent, no longer limited by outward appearances.

Concepts, like individuals, have their histories and are just as incapable of withstanding the ravages of time as are individuals. But in and through all this they retain a kind of homesickness for the scenes of their childhood.

Don't forget to love yourself.

During the first period of a man's life the greatest danger is not to take the risk.

Face the facts of being what you are, for that is what changes what you are.

Faith is the highest passion in a human being. Many in every generation may not come that far, but none comes further.

God creates out of nothing. Wonderful you say. Yes, to be sure, but he does what is still more wonderful: he makes saints out of sinners.

If I am capable of grasping God objectively, I do not believe, but precisely because I cannot do this I must believe.

It is so hard to believe because it is so hard to obey.  

It seems essential, in relationships and all tasks, that we concentrate only on what is most significant and important.

It was completely fruitless to quarrel with the world, whereas the quarrel with oneself was occasionally fruitful and always, she had to admit, interesting.

Just as in earthly life lovers long for the moment when they are able to breathe forth their love for each other, to let their souls blend in a soft whisper, so the mystic longs for the moment when in prayer he can, as it were, creep into God.

Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.

Life has its own hidden forces which you can only discover by living.

Listen to the cry of a woman in labor at the hour of giving birth - look at the dying man's struggle at his last extremity, and then tell me whether something that begins and ends thus could be intended for enjoyment.

Love does not alter the beloved, it alters itself.

Love is all, it gives all, and it takes all.

Most men pursue pleasure with such breathless haste that they hurry past it.

Once you label me you negate me.

One can advise comfortably from a safe port.

Our life always expresses the result of our dominant thoughts.

Patience is necessary, and one cannot reap immediately where one has sown.

People commonly travel the world over to see rivers and mountains, new stars, garish birds, freak fish, grotesque breeds of human; they fall into an animal stupor that gapes at existence and they think they have seen something.

People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they seldom use.

People understand me so poorly that they don't even understand my complaint about them not understanding me.

Personality is only ripe when a man has made the truth his own.

The function of prayer is not to influence God, but rather to change the nature of the one who prays.

The highest and most beautiful things in life are not to be heard about, nor read about, nor seen but, if one will, are to be lived.

The truth is a snare: you cannot have it, without being caught. You cannot have the truth in such a way that you catch it, but only in such a way that it catches you.

The tyrant dies and his rule is over, the martyr dies and his rule begins.

There are, as is known, insects that die in the moment of fertilization. So it is with all joy: life's highest, most splendid moment of enjoyment is accompanied by death.

There is nothing feared more by every man than realizing how much he is capable of doing and becoming.

To dare is to lose one's footing momentarily. Not to dare is to lose oneself.

What is a poet? An unhappy person who conceals profound anguish in his heart but whose lips are so formed that as sighs and cries pass over them they sound like beautiful music.

I'll Be Your Butterflies

...rushed through life? The correct answer is no. Why? Because you're still in diapers. We are STILL little fish in a giant pond. Marriage involves providing for your wife, your son(s), and your daughter(s). Consider that as you read this. Love. Pray. Slow down. That's all.

Mom's bedtime stories and a goodnight kiss.

We're all much too young to dust off the shelves.

Searching desperately for our other half,

and we haven't even found ourselves.

We haven't even found ourselves.

One more ride on life's merry go-round,

we yearn to rush through.

"Hang on, for dear life, to the first flower found."

The face of poor patience is turning blue.

Too many toddlers atop one terraced hill,

we've always been taught not cry over spills.

Marriage has no ties to patience, sacrifice or struggles.

Mom and Dad can pay our bills. 

One more ride on life's merry go-round,

we yearn to rush through.

"Hang on, for dear life, to the first flower found."

The face of poor patience is turning blue.

Faster, faster, we've lost focus of our Master.

Charm is deceitful; we flirt with disaster.

We weren't meant to be, dear,

there's no time for prayer,

we must keep on moving

faster and faster.

Race the system; find our way through the maze,

be first to finish the puzzle, we're screaming deep in space.

Oh, if no sound is heard, why don't we start over?

If no one can hear us, why run the same circles?

Tiptoeing tight ropes constructed of hearts,

"no answer is found when we fall to our knees.

We'd much rather rip helpless girls' worlds apart.

Where's the harm? All we feel is a breeze."

Faster, faster, we've lost focus of our Master.

Charm is deceitful; we flirt with disaster.

We weren't meant to be, dear,

there's no time for prayer,

we must keep on moving

faster and faster.

"Take hold the butterflies, child, they'll lead to My hand.

He'll weaken your knees, but, in Me, you'll stand.

I'll romance you, sweet child, and bring you your man.

He'll provide for you; he'll hold your hands.

He'll lead you in life; carry you away to settings, serene.

but I'll hold your hearts, and, in Me, you'll stand.

I'll lead you to still waters and pastures, green.

I'll hold your hearts, and, in Me, you'll stand.

Daughter, in Me, you'll stand."

"To Infinity and Beyond!"

...reminisced? Just simply went back in your mind to how it used to be? Yesterday, I wrote to my wife. Today, I'll write to the OTHER most important woman in my life, Debra Jones Sears.

Dearest Mother, 

Words will never be able to express the gratitude and appreciation I have for you and Dad. I've been your baby boy since March 30th of 1992 and will continue to be until the day that I'm with the Lord that's blessed me so much with the best parents anyone could ever ask for. You are the most beautiful woman on this green earth. You always have been and you always will be... well... maybe not back in the nineties, you had some goofy get-ups and hurrr didssss. Nevertheless, you're gorgeous, inside and out. Only a mother could love a face like this. Look at that hair.

POINT PROVEN

I'll never forget being babied while I was sick, comforted when I was hurt, or gettin' WHOOPED when my turd self would deserve it. "Charm is deceitful, beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." - Proverbs 31, or Jesus' mouth in other words. I'd have to say you covered all bases.. I mean.. I turned out alright........ right? ...RIGHT?! I would like for you to go to youtube and search She Is... by between the trees.. and not cry while you listen to it. "My mom is my.. superhero. My mom is my.. world." They wrote that song for you, Momma Bear. 

"I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
As long as I'm living
my Mommy you'll be."

"What words could describe the heart that's inside you?

You're beautiful, Mother, everything about you." - Allison Sosebee.

Mom, I'm so thankful for everything you've ever done for me. This post was short, bittersweet probably, and could never be enough to express my heart to you, but I LOVE YOU MOM. I love you to infinity and beyond! LION, TIGER, CHEETAH, BEAR, GIRAFFE, MONKEY, PENGUIN, LLAMA!

With all the love in the world,

Your baby, your momma's boy, 

Ryan Lee Sears

Just Another Day

..looked out across the midnight sky, 

seen the moon, a shaded white, 

and, in the midst of darkness, thought of me? 

My dear, I think of you all the time, 

the way you enter a room and shine 

joy that you spread with a smile the whole world can see. 

It's funny, though, because you hung the moon, 

how can it stand to sink so soon, 

except to radiate your face to mine. 

The break of dawn, your eyes the clouds, 

the sun comes up when the moon goes down; 

the sunlight slowly spreads across the skies. 

An array of colors above mountain’s peaks 

warms my heart like your rosy, blushed cheeks 

as the wind rolls through like a whisper, soft and sweet. 

I hear your voice in nature’s sounds; 

you open your lips and my heart starts to pound. 

Sometimes, I swear time stops when you start to speak. 

Adorable scenes in nature show 

the way you crinkle your cute, button nose. 

The imagery is way too close to real. 

Nature can’t express your beauty, I’ll bet, 

and, darling, I know we haven’t met, 

but words just can’t express the way I feel. 

I love you like the eastern winds 

blowing around the world and back again. 

It’s endless and it’ll always be for you. 

I pray you look at that same moon 

and begin to sing a similar tune 

of our love; the morning’s breath is not as true. 

I wait along the sea’s shoreline 

praying and thinking of you all the time, 

just another day and then we’ll be

together at last until the end 

then we’ll have all of our lives to spend 

falling more in love, forever, happily. 

Just another day now, dear, 

just think, for every day you wait there is a year 

that we’ll be living in the warmth of love’s embrace. 

I wait for you like Christmas day; 

so soon I’ll be able to allow my heart to say, 

“just another day with her by God’s grace”.

To the loveliest woman in entire world,

                I, as patiently as possible, await the day when we can finally say, “I love you”. You’re beautiful. You’re amazing. You’re going to make me the happiest and luckiest man in the world. Smile. Soon and very soon, it’ll be here. Just another day.

"Open the earth, or change my form."

...considered yourself to be an Apollo. In order to understand the post, you'll have to visit http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apollo_and_Daphne and stuff. Basically, Apollo, the god of the sun and music, hates on Eros, otherwise known as Cupid, the god of sexual, erotic love, for using a bow and arrows. "You're not a warrior, I am. Stop playing games, Eros," which OBVIOUSLY pissed the young guy off, pardon the crappy summarization. So he takes two arrows, one gold and one lead, to shoot both Apollo and Daphne. The gold arrow pierces Apollo through the heart while Daphne is shot by the leaden causing him to fall madly in love with Daphne while she is now forced to despise his presence. Cue the chase scene. Neck in neck, neither of the two, Apollo or Daphne, is gaining on or escaping from the other. Eros allows Apollo the speed needed to begin gaining on Daphne. In a panic, she calls out to her father, Peneus, "Open the earth to enclose me, or change my form (the beauty that her father had earlier said wouldn't allow her to keep away all of her obsessors), which has brought me into this danger!" She then becomes a tree. Some ending, huh? Sweet. On a positive note, Apollos decides that, since he can't take Daphne as his wife, he'll groom her as a tree. Forever. Sounds like a cute story, and it is, in a sense. However, this screams modernity. How many of us are Apollo chasing after Daphne? We, as Christians, love to chase what, or who it is, that hates us. Does this sound familiar yet? We not only flirt with disaster, we chase it until it's in our arms, unattainable, and we groom it for as long as we possibly can. Maybe I'm just on drugs. Maybe it's late. Maybe I'm right. Whichever it may be, God's on the throne. God is God, and we are not. We have a reason to worship. That's all. Play me off, once more, Johnny!

What is love? (baby, don't hurt me!)

...thought about acceptance? What is being accepted? The Merriam-Webster dictionary describes acceptance as "the act of accepting or the fact of being accepted". Is acceptance really what we're after? Is our desire for people to accept us? Can there be acceptance without love? Can you fully accept someone if you don't love them? Although, you can accept someone as a person but not love them at all. What is contradiction? If we want love, where do we want it from? People? What happens to our personality when we receive or seemingly miss out on that love we are so desperate for? Do we, as people, change? Do we, as friends, change? Dr. David Naugle describes humans as "lovers". God is love, and we are made in His image, so we crave love. Though, how dangerous it is when we search for the love given by God in others. The purpose of this post isn't because I want an answer. It isn't out of sheer curiosity on my behalf. It isn't even a way of venting. The purpose of posting was to raise a question in the mind of the reader. What are you after? "Yesterday is a wrinkle on your forehead. This is your life, are you who you want to be? This is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be when the world was younger, and you had everything to lose?" Today is all you have. Love. Pray. That's all. Play me off, Johnny!

What is 'having a great day'?

...danced like you didn't care who was looking? The saying is as if no one is watching, but I would think that accepting the fact that people are watching and not caring makes it so much more enjoyable. That probably only makes sense in my mind. Oh, well. This is a picture of me doing just that. I'm white, but I swagged it out.

 Today was a grand day. it's been almost 24 hours of having a blog, and I do believe I am already addicted. This is my third post of the "day" even though.. my hours are super jacked. COLLEGE. Cleaning was easy once we just started getting work done. Then, I attended the Alpha Delta Kappa Snowflake Ball, as seen in the picture above, with my beautiful date for the evening, Hannah. Dancing is my thing. It's how I release.... junk. Cut a rug. Bust a move. Let loose. Stress relief, for REAL. Who needs "counseling" when you can just lose yourself while keeping integrity? Dancing is my counseling. God is my counselor (I felt inclined to throw that in for clarity). Needless to say, I had an absolute blast. Then my night got a little confusing, BUT it worked itself out. Remember when I didn't let out all my thoughts in my blog even though I bad mouthed doing so in my VERY FIRST POST?! Yeah... I'm cool. This is the most unprofessional post ever made. My Love Goes Free by Jon Foreman has been a song that I've listened to religiously, as of late, and that I have lived way too often this past semester. Not nearly the magnitude Jon lived, but, nevertheless, I have been in those shoes. My love's sweet embrace and sleep are two things that could not come sooner. My WISH is that God would reveal to me the woman He would have me to marry, if that's how He operates, and say,  "just wait". I would love to just befriend my future wife and hang out with her. Can you imagine knowing who you're gonna marry before you even date them? Sweet. On a lighter note, here's a video to top the post off.

My video had no relevance, but I just thought I'd share my treasure. Merry Christmas season, folks! Thanks for stopping by! that's all. Play me off, Johnny!

White Glove

..started a task that seemed unfinishable? No, "unfinishable" is not a word, but, at the moment, I do not care in the slightest. I'd like to introduce you to white glove room checks. SPOTLESS. Do you know what cleaning an 8x10x20 jail cell is like? Hell. I'm a "neat freak", don't get me wrong, but dust and sweeping and blah blah blah is.. well, it's not for me to say the least. Cleaning meticulously for hours and seeing little progress is rather disheartening if you ask me. Well, procrastination IS for me, and that is what I am currently doing so it's back at it again. Pray. That's all.

The First of Many..

First off, thank you, whoever you may be, for visiting the blog. You either care what I'm thinking, or you came out of sympathy, but, either way, I'm so thankful again for the view. What I would like to do is start every post with the title, "Have You Ever". So, if you continue to stop by, you know now why my first sentence may not always make perfect sense. I'm not exactly sure why I'm doing this, the explanation or the blog.. but here we are so... let's enjoy the ride, eh? "Live your life!" - Kyle Ouber. 

..thought about how open you really are at any given moment? What is freedom? Honestly? Think of your BEST friend. The one person that you tell EVERYthing and who knows EVERYthing about you. Do you really tell them everything? Can you think of any moments when you withheld even the smallest piece of a story just to keep them from.. (insert reasoning here, i.e. knowing your true motives). Why is that? Why is it that we can never be completely open with anyone? What is comfort? What is sincerity? What is real?

The reason I ask is, well, because of the blog. I'll show friends this blog, the out to jot down all my thoughts. If my friends read ALL my thoughts, therein lies the problem. Why am I afraid of complete transparency? This, though, raises a question. Is complete honesty called for? Is there supposed to be a person that knows every single thing we think, do, or say? One might say a spouse, but when does the trust factor become complete? When do we decide that person is "worthy" enough for such a position in our lives or that we can entrust them with the depths of our beings? The problems of this world could resolve themselves if the people inhabiting it would let go of what they keep bottled up inside. If you agree, then why do we continue to do so? Most importantly, why don't we run to the One who knows everything about us prior to our rambling of it? We serve an incomparably, thrice-holy God, yet He is jealous for those who hate Him. We spit in His face, hang Him on a cross, and earn our judgment DAILY, but He says, "what sin?" Unbelievable. His love is endless. His love has no limitations. He drowns us in oceans of grace. He awaits our awakening in the mornings and serves us mercy in bed, talk about a gourmet breakfast, huh? He is JEALOUS for us. "Hey, Ryan, I'm over here. I know you're doing your thing and being disobedient and stuff, I'm not okay with it, but I love you, nonetheless. Look at Me, please! I'm so much more fulfilling. I bring so much more satisfaction. Yeah, that stuff is fun for you for now, but, in the end, it has to do just that.. end. It will leave you empty. It will leave you bare. It will leave you in worlds of regret, but My grace is sufficient. You'll come back to Me, son.. I'll wait." I had no intentions of discussing "religious matters", but it happens, right? Did you know you would have to play 20 questions when you read this blog? sweet, play me off, Johnny!