mercy.

I just watched Beware of Christians with my parents. My heart is so crushed. Yes, the movie was great. Yes, the guys were changed. Yes, Jesus changed them and used them. My heart is broken for two reasons. First, because I need movies and people and stuff to remind me of the gospel of God's GRACE for us. These things turn into motivation and it makes me wonder if I even love the Man who gave it all to continue giving it all for all eternity. to me. and hopefully you, too, but He did it for me. Yes, God's glory. Yes, obedience, Yes, "God so loved the world." ..but to think the Almighty Creator of petrified wood and snotty toddlers, snobby golfers (not all of them) and sweet, little, old ladies loved me enough to endure my sin against Him to reconcile me through the Cross. Are you kidding? I need a movie to remind me of this? In the words of Isaiah, "Woe is me! I am ruined!" Holy God, have MERCY on me, a sinner!

Second, and this isn't in judgment but in brokenness, my father responds with... "I enjoyed that movie." My parents leave the room and literally everything I just wrote is pulsing through my brain. You know those times when you have a headache you just can't shake and everything else just kind of fades? That is literally nothing like what I went through... but it gives you a pretty good picture of my thoughts weighing down on me. I began to fight tears as I wondered how we could claim, "we just don't get it," after reading Crazy Love or Radical or any John Piper book, blog, or article ever written, and we swear up and down we're changing... and nothing. ever. happens. This is me. Hi, I'm Ryan Sears, and I'm a suckaholic. I take the cake in being the foremost of SUCKY Christians. But I'm not okay with staying that way. at all. I really DON'T get it, and I am really NOT okay with it.

So what's going to change?

My new morning routine. Well, part of it. When I look in the mirror, I will then ask this guy, "Why are you a Christian?"

...

and then I'll respond, "Jesus opened my blind eyes, and I have never been the same."

That's it? Ryan, all you're going to do is ask a dumb question in the mirror? You're a creep AND an idiot.

Not quite. Well, you're right, but there's more to it. I am a Christian for one reason and one reason only. JESUS, and only Jesus, granted me sight, opened my eyes, removed the veil covering my face, HE saved ME. BY grace THROUGH faith. Salvation is NOT by faith. I'm not down for hot debates and all that, but my heart was set ablaze by grace and my only available response was to believe. I had been changed and there was no denying it. So now, because of Jesus' cross and gracious invitation to follow Him, I follow Him.. again, by grace alone. If my day doesn't line up with my answer, am I REALLY a Christian?

If our lives are more about us than they are Jesus, are we really following Him?
Seriously..

do you REALLY follow Him?

If you aren't committed to knowing Him, to looking like Him, to conforming to His image, to shaping your heart and life to resemble His, are you really a Christian?

Do you just go to church, do Christian things, read Christian books, hang out with Christians, listen to Christian music, or do you legitimately WANT, long for, desire, crave, need, faint without Jesus?

Our lives are about Him and Him alone.. not us.

so what now? We pray. You know your heart and I hope you have seen a small glimpse of mine at least.
Pray that God would radically stir our affections for Him and that He'd rip us out of this easy-believism we've fallen into. He gives grace to the humble. James 4:5 or 6 or 7? Humble yourself before God and pray that I would do the same. Let's hold fast to His mercy and extend His grace as if it has really, truly changed us.

I love you. I really, really do. I'm praying for whoever you are. I pray you'll do the same. God, please grant us understanding and faith to trust that You are faithful. Here am I; send me.